Meaningless Talk

Does anyone know what P.O.E.T.S. day is?

2006-01-31T19:22:00.000-05:00

I do!!! My accounting teacher was trying to make the class more fun this past Friday. He said "Happy P.O.E.T.S. Day!" and nobody knew what he was talking about. Well, if anyone wants to know, it means poo (the other word for pee but we're keeping it clean) on everything, tomorrow's Saturday. I love it! It certainly made the class more enjoyable.

I've started listening to Explsions in the Sky and I gotta say, this is the best non-singing band I've ever heard. I know Brie that you told me to listen to it probably 6 months ago, but I didn't like the inconvenience of finding it and putting it on my computer, etc, etc. But my friend Scott at school had the soundtrack to Friday Night Lights on him USB jump drive. I quickly took it and put it on my laptop and I haven't stopped listening to it since. It's been 3 days straight listening to them. So good.

I guess that's it for now. Just wanted to let you know that every Friday is P.O.E.T.S. day so remember to celebrate!!!!!

Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education...

2006-01-25T17:23:00.000-05:00

So, guess what? I'm in school now. I haven't posted since August last year I believe so I'm now a college student going into my second term. It rocks!!!!! I'm getting good grades, I get to hang with some pretty awesome people, and it doesn't hurt having a bar complete with pool tables in the school.

So, since August I worked at Best Buy, lost my job at Best Buy, missed my sister, and studied. What a fun life, eh? But it has it's good sides. I enjoy the time I spend with Brie even more, get an 88% average, and made some pretty wicked friends at Best Buy.

All this positive junk is freaking me out right now. I'm usually not like this. How about a nice throw-back to the good ol' days with a nice horoscope? OK!

Someone will ask you what you want to do this weekend. That may seem like a good time to say, "What am I, psychic?" It's not though.

By the way, my birthday is on Saturday! I'll be 21. What do you do when you don't smoke, drink, do drugs, or gamble? Any ideas?

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

2005-08-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I hope all is well. I don't really have much to talk about.

I was reading the reader's digest and came accross a section where someone made up new words or phrases. Here are a couple.

flaparazzi (fla pah' rah tzee) n.
A person in the background of a live news report, waving stupidly at the camera. (Also telepathetic, vextra, eyejacker.)

moanotone (mown o' toen) n.
The quavering voice you use when you call work to tell them you're sick. (Also arggghccent, phlegmbellishment.)

Well, that's it. See ya soon.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

2005-05-23T11:03:00.000-04:00

So, Alisa asked me to post again and I'm not busy right now so I thought, why not?

I'm going to see the final installment of Star Wars today with Julie. It should be swell. I'll be sure to write about it and ruin it for all those who haven't seen it.

Yesterday I spend all day after church at Nanny's cleaning out "The Hole" to turn it into my new room. It's going well. I'm pretty sure that if ownership of a house was determine by the majority species living there that the spiders would be able to kick all of us out. They've built little web colonies all over the place. We should start charging them rent. But, I've got a lot of cleaning and sanding and poly-filling and priming and painting. So, I'll take pics of the process and post them on my photo blog.

For now I'll leave you with another fun filled joke.

Stupid Steve: I wish I had the memory of a goldfish.

Max: But a goldfish has a memory of only three second.

Stupid Steve: What does?

I love jokes about goldfish memories. I'm reminded of my friend Mike who whenever a goldfish comes up on casual conversation, always spins in a circle and says, "Look at the pretty castle. Look at the pretty castle. Look at the pretty castle."

Have a good day everyone!!

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

2005-04-26T12:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I've come to the decision that it's pretty hard to blog every day. I know. Excuses, excuses. But what on earth could I have to say each day? Nothing.

What have I done today so far that would be oh so very interesting? Woke up at 10:48. Watched Dawson's Creek until noon and then practiced some guitar. Now, I'm going to finish a puzzle that I started over two months ago, I believe.

One of these days I'll have something good to talk about. But for now, I'll leave you with a horoscope. It's applicable to all signs.

It will irritate you that nobody you meet any more has a "normal" name. Everyone is a "Darius" or a "Baxter" or a "Kyle". Just to be ornery, you will change your name to "Xnarp".

Have a good one, all!

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have.

2005-03-25T14:51:00.000-05:00

So, I'm back again. Trying to get back in the habit of blogging. Yesterday was a very uneventful day. Aside from the fact that the team I have in my training class won the game again at the end of the night and got to go home early, for the third night in a row!!

Good news everyone! The fifth season of Dawson's Creek will be out on DVD on May 3. If you're thinking of a nice "Andi's cool, let's get her a gift for the heck of it" present, it's numero uno on the list.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

I was driving along the Stuart Highway when I saw a sign saying "Rest Area 50 Kilometers" and thought WOW that’s big.

Well, I guess that's it for now. It's starting to get difficult to find jokes worth telling, so if there are any special requests as to what kind of jokes or anything else you want on the blog, let me know. Leave a comment or email @ wing.blogspot@gmail.com

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

2005-03-24T00:11:00.000-05:00

Hello all!

I know. It's been too long. I miss having the good stories to tell. There just wasn't enough responses from readers to keep me going. I'm one of those who need the constant comments.

Since my last post, much has happened. Like I said, I was put on an outbound campaign, meaning I called people to tell them their bill was increasing. If that's not an invitation for irate customers, I don't know what is. I week or so later I was trained for the inbound billing portion. Slightly better, but not great. The possibility of being shoved onto outbound was there looming in the background.

Now, I'm in training for another campaign, similar, but it's only inbound. YEAH!!!! Don't get me wrong, I like where I work. However, if you don't like being plopped all over the place, call centres are not for you.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Did you hear the one about the plastic surgeon who vacationed in Mexico?

It got so hot that he melted.

Well, that is all for today. Remember, the more comments you give, the more posts I give. Thanks!

Dyslexic's have more ufn!

2005-02-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

So, the week is over. Thank goodness!! I found out today that I'll be working on my campaign for approximately one week and then thrown back into training after that. Gotta love call centres! In case you can't tell, that was sarcasm.

If anyone cares, I've made over $300 for the Big Brothers Big Sisters Charity bowling for tomorrow. I never knew it was so fun to get sponsors. It's more fun to be competitive adults than just lazy kids.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

I just wanted to make a shout-out to my friend Louise who threatened me with death if I didn't mention how wonderfully perfect she is on my blog. So, if I happen to suddenly disappear, Louise might have succeeded in the threat. Just kidding Louise. Or am I?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

2005-02-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

Hello once again everyone. It's been a busy week for me. I'm in training for a new horrible campaign at work. I have in class driver's ed on two nights this week for 3 hours each. Plus, I'm heading up my first project for a committee I'm on at work for a fundraiser. It might not seem like much but it's been a tiring week, nonetheless.

So, as you might be able to pick up, there are no calls of the day because I'm not taking calls for the insurance portion anymore. There probably won't be any calls of the day for the new one because it's completely different. But I'll be keeping in touch with the people left on the old campaign to get some good calls for you.

JOKES OF THE DAY!!

1) The following joke has to do with words not found in Webter's.

Mormon: The Jamaican way of asking for seconds at dinner.

2) What do you get when you mix an Italian and a Jamaican? A pastafarian!

That's all for now. Keep getting on my case so I blog more often. Thanks!

Keep the Earth clean. It isn't Uranus!!

2005-02-05T19:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I've got a pretty short blog today. I haven't really done anything yet. I got up, showered, and have been watching TV ever since.

I am going out now for some fun filled bowling. I'll let you know how much I end up sucking.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Max: Do you have crepes Suzette?

Waiter: No, and my name is Marvin.

So, I've just heard that I'm a brat. Is this true? I always thought I was fun or maybe an attention seeker, but never a brat. Thanks a lot Noella!!! Just kidding. I don't even know you. But I like your name!!

Well, wish me luck bowling. I'll try to beat my high score of 110!!!! Yee-haw!

BEER - Helping white people dance since 1837!

2005-02-04T22:47:00.000-05:00

So, I have to start by saying how much you all better appreciate this blog. I don't know why, but our internet is EXTREMELY (That was for you Nat!) slow. It's taken me ten minutes to even get here to write.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician.

"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."

CALL OF THE DAY!!

Okay. I have a whole bunch of little tidbits. Most of them have something to do with Nat at work.

1) Nat asked someone for their "date of bird". The caller didn't even notice.

2) Caller phoned in and their name was Penelope. I'm not even going to type the rest. Just guess what Nat actually called them!

3) Someone called in today to me with a very noticeable Indian accent. (Relax. I'm not racist!!). I did my usual intro and the caller said, "I'm calling about some uh, some uh, some uh, some uh, something."

4) A caller was asking about a claim from a certain date. They said something and I couldn't make it out. It sounded like they had food in their mouth or something. I asked if they said the first or third. Apparently they were called about a drug claim from January "furshth."

That's it for today. I'll be back eventually!!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

2005-02-01T17:48:00.000-05:00

Hello all. I was told on Sunday that everyone seems to like my blog. I really didn't think anyone thought it was that great. So leave more comments, whether I suck, I'm not funny or if you feel sleepy. Just so I know people other the Graham and Alisa are reading it.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Shirl: So your jealous boyfriend is upset that you're going off on your winter vacation by yourself?

Pearl: That's right, even though I told him that I'm as faithful as the day is long.

Shirl: Where are you going?

Pearl: Alaska.

So, a lot has happened at work. I joined the CIC (Continuous Improvement committee) at work. It's a nice fundraiser committee to improve work. So today, I was appointed Secretary. And elections are coming up, and some people will be voting me in for Vice-Chair. WOW!! All the sudden I'm popular.

CALL OF THE DAY!!

So a lady called in today. As usual I ask for all the ID numbers to find her policy. I can't find it so I ask for name and date of birth. Still can't find it. I finally ask who she works for, because I though maybe it was a Government plan. We can't view the Government plan's and have to transfer them. So when I asked her where she works, she says:

"I work at Ricki's. Why can't you find my policy? Don't you know who Ricki's is?"

Am I missing something? Is Ricki's the new Microsoft that everyone would have heard of it by now? I have no freaking clue what Ricki's is.

Well, enough for now. There. I blogged. No more hate mail about me not blogging!!

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

2005-01-18T20:25:00.000-05:00

So, I missed a lot of blogging time. Sorry about that. So there are six jokes today. Brace yourselves lads! That was for Brie.

1)
Saul: That doctor was right when he promised he'd have me on my feet in no time!
Paul: That's great! What did he do?
Saul: He charged me so much that I had to sell my car.

2)
Moe: That Jethro sure is ugly.
Joe: How ugly is he?
Moe: He's even uglier than his passport photo.

3)
Miguel: I got the sack at work today.
Chester: I'm sorry. Were you upset?
Miguel: You bet! All the other mailmen got to use those pushcarts!

4)
What does a clock do when it's very hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

5)
Willy: Your brother reminds me of George Washington.
Lily: Because he's an honest man?
Willy: Because he wears a wig.

6)
First cannibal: Did you order your favourite at that seaside restaurant?
Second cannibal: No, I didn't even go inside because they didn't have it.
First cannibal: How did you know that?
Second cannibal: Because the sign on the door said NO BARE FEET.

And just for kicks, here is Graham's joke of the day.

How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Give it a little boogie.

See you tomorrow!

I'm not antisocial, I just hate being with people.

2005-01-12T21:28:00.000-05:00

So, let's see. Today was an okay day. I got in trouble only once at work for playing cards with a friend. But it was worth every second. I guess the best thing that happened, and it didn't even happen to me, is that Bee got early acceptance into Laurier. Congrats Brie.

Sadly enough, the only person that asked me for my birthday list is Nat from work. And no offence Nat, but I'm not letting you get me a gift. So come on people. I'll be 20. This is a big step for me. Gotta have something to look forward to.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Teacher: Little Joey, correct this sentence: "It was me who broke the window."

Little Joey: It was Little Jimmy who broke the window.

Once again, I bit you adieu!

I'm not hyperactive. The world is just superslow.

2005-01-11T19:46:00.000-05:00

Hello again today.

It was boring today at work. No one was there so I was forced to sit with Jeanna. Just kidding. I love ya Jeanna. The day went by surprisingly fast.

CALL OF THE DAY!!

My friend Isabelle took this call. Someone called us, an insurance company, and asked where their GST cheque was. What was seemingly a short call to simply have them call the government turned out for Isabelle to be a learning session on how to use a phone book. She actually had to tell the person where to look in the phone book to find a Government of Canada phone number. WOW! Some people. I guess it doesn't help if you're born in 1921.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Max: Doc, you've got to help me! Every night I dream that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I was an Alfa Romeo. Last night I dreamed I was a Porshe. What does this mean?

Therapist: Relax. You're just having an auto-body experience.

Man I'm cold. Time to go snuggle up in bed with a good book.

My job is so secret, even I don't know what it is.

2005-01-11T07:37:00.000-05:00

Sorry! I forgot to post last night. I'm any name you think of calling me.

Let's see... Yesterday I worked. I also got sent home early. Like halfway through my shift because we weren't busy at all. I then went to Graham and Lisa's. We had fun. Came home, did the updates for the day with Bee and then went to bed. Wasn't a very exciting day. Maybe today will be.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

The same day that a recently retired surgeon moved into his new house, a pipe burst in the basement. Frantic, he called a local plumber. After working for ten minutes, the plumber fixed the problem. He put away his tools and handed the doctor a bill for $500. The surgeon started to rant and rave. "This is ridiculous!" he said. "I don't even make that much money as a surgeon!"

The plumber grinned and said, "Neither did I."

I'll post later tonight for today's actual post. Have a good one!

Wrinkled is not one of the things I want to be when I grow up.

2005-01-09T21:11:00.000-05:00

So, I hate to admit it, but Sundays are pretty boring if you don't go to church. I didn't think it was possible for something to be more boring than church, but sitting home all day watching TV is boring.

It was good though that Graham and Lisa came over. We watched Chicken Run and Played Sorry. Thanks for the fun!

No joke today. It was crap. I couldn't bring myself to type it.

One last point to make. There are 19 days left until my 20th birthday. I have a list of possible gifts. Let me know if you want it. Good day!

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

2005-01-08T21:28:00.000-05:00

Today I finally got to sleep in on a Saturday. Thank you Mom and Dad for leaving the house!!!!! I woke up at 9:53. That is late. I did a bit of work on the compy and then watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. Good stuff.

We also went to the Aviary today in The Falls. That was wicked. So much better than the Butterfly Conservatory. I would highly suggest it to anyone that hasn't been. Which isn't many of you because hardly anyone reads my blog.

Brie, Natalie and myself also saw Lemony Snicket's: A Series Of Unfortunate Events. That was good. Jim Carrey is the master of playing fourty million characters. Very funny guy.

Guess what it's time for...

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Maria: I won't tell your boyfriend, but I saw you kiss that hunk at the dance.

Marlena: And I won't tell your boyfriend, but I saw you kiss him, too.

Maria: Well, my boyfriend kisses better.

Marlena: I agree.

Okay, what's lamer about this joke? The joke itself or the fact that they actually say "hunk"? Leave a comment on that if you want. Goodnight!

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

2005-01-07T22:08:00.000-05:00

Okay. I have just decided something. Now! Just now. Like now. Do you know what it is? Working for ten hours straight SUCKS!!!!!

Well, there isn't much to talk about that happened today. Work was good, I guess. Better than... eating dirt. But, Nat, I gotta say. You do make me look forward to going to work.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

T.J.: I don't believe anything that comes out of Old Man Larson's mouth.

R.J.: Why not?

T.J.: Because he wears false teeth.

So, something was brought to my attention quite clearly over the past three days. Since it's the end of the week, I'll share it with you. I have been told probably a total of 26 times in three days (and one of them I wasn't even working) that I am the most sarcastic person that they have met. Is this true? Please leave a comment and let me know your feelings. Keep it clean everyone. Most of you I'm related to.

What's a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

2005-01-06T21:28:00.000-05:00

Okay, second post of they day.

Let's see... What did I do today? Well, Brie and I had lunch, I put 407 songs on my Dell DJ. Then we watched "The Whole Ten Yards" twice. Good movie.

Tomorrow it's back to work again from 9:30-7:30. Luckily, I worked out a trade so starting on Monday I'll be doing 8:30-4:30. So Graham and Lisa, I can still come to FHE.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Waiter, waiter!!

Max: Waiter, I want a chicken smothered in gravy.

Waiter: If you want it killed in such a cruel manner, you'll have to do it yourself.

Well, I shall talk to you all again tomorrow. Chao!!

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

2005-01-06T13:20:00.000-05:00

Hi. I'm blogging now for last night and later tonight for today. I apologize for missing you yesterday but I was really dizzy from work and needed to go to bed ASAP.

I got my Dell DJ yesterday. It's wicked. I'm very excited to use it all the time.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

What did the judge say when the skunk took the witness stand?

"Odor in the court."

Hahahahahaha. I'd like to present this joke with the crown titled ALL TIME LAMEST JOKE. I'll be back this evening.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

2005-01-04T21:47:00.000-05:00

Benedicite!

Well, I hope that you will all enjoy this phone call from today. As usual, it's very short but very funny if you know what the word dental means.

Caller: I want to know if glasses are covered under my dental plan.

Now really. Do your teeth have a little trouble seeing? It's a shame.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Herb: Darling, if I lost all my money, would you still love me?

Blanche: Of course, dear, and I'd miss you as well.

I hope everyone had a great day today. I think I'm going to have a bit of trouble adjusting to a ten hour work day. But it should be over soon. Well, that's it for now.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

2005-01-03T21:44:00.000-05:00

Hello all! Last day of holidays. As much as I like having time off work, it will be nice to go back and have some structure in my life again. Today Jeff and Evy left and I got up at 7:30. I didn't even go back to bed. No wonder why I'm so tired right now.

I wanted to let everyone know that I finished my application for College today. So hopefully I get in. Everyone root for me.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

Moe: I read that twenty-nine lawyers, forty politicians, and the captain all died when the ship went down.

Joe: Poor guy.

Tomorrow I start my ten hour days at work so hopefully I will get at least one good funny call to regale you with. A demain.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

2005-01-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

Good day to you all. It was another eventful day at our house. I think there was 15 people there. Crazy, and hot!

I have one more day off of work and then I go back with a 10hr shift. Boo-urns!! 9:30-7:30 is not going to be fun. But enough about me. Everyone, I want you all to leave a post saying the best thing that happened to you over the Christmas break. I mean it. I'm expecting to see tons of posts. It's easy. And if you don't have a blog yourself you'll have to post anonymously. So, make sure you leave your name.

JOKE OF THE DAY!

Minister: Maurice, I must say you were rude for talking all the way through my service this morning.

Maurice: I'm sorry, but sometimes I talk in my sleep.

Valedico!!!

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

2005-01-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Ok, I'm back on track. It's the new year. I've got some jokes and hopefully some good calls to tell you about. So, My goal this year is to post every day or at least mostly every day. I don't think I could post during my vacations.

So, anyways, this is going to be a great year and I'm looking forward to all the comments I get about how dumb my jokes will be. Well, you can all thank Nat, my co-worker for the best Christmas gift.

JOKE OF THE DAY!

Butch: My brother drinks too much.
Jethro: Why do you say that?
Butch: Because at last night's New Year's Eve party he drank toasts to the holidays.
Jethro: It's not unusual to toast the holidays.
Butch: 365 of them?

Man, I can tell already that this is going to be a great year. Talk to you tomorrow.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

2004-12-28T18:36:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone.

I hope you all had a wicked Christmas. Mine was good. I got most of what I asked for and now I can make my birthday list for the rest.

I'm going to warn everyone now that I have a whole bunch of joke material for the next year so brace yourself for the lamest jokes known to mankind.

TODAY'S HOROSCOPE!!

This week you can have lots of fun by beaming at people, and telling them how fresh your brand of soap makes you feel. If that doesn't work, try explaining how your detergent gets your shirts their brightest.

That's all for today. I hope everyone has a great New Year if I don't post again before then.

Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back!

2004-12-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

I wanted to let you know that I'm taking a break from blogging for a while. It's getting busy now and it will only get busier. So keep checking back because I won't be blogging every day until the new year.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!"

Ha. I laughed out loud at that one. Happy holidays!!

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

2004-12-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

Hi all. Sorry I missed you yesterday but I was exhausted from doing all of my Christmas shopping in one day. But never fear. I'm back again to regale you with dumb little stories because you have nothing better to do.

Today was the last Sunday before Christmas so there were a ton of Christmas presentations going on. Lots of singing. All in all, it was a great day and it really helped me look forward to this Christmas.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

I saw a sign that said "Speed Bumps".

I thought, my how times change! Speed used to kill.

Talk to you tomorrow, hopefully with a good call.

Sure shrimp has a flavour. It's... shrimpy.

2004-12-17T21:39:00.000-05:00

TGIF!! I'm so glad the week is over. I have to go out tomorrow and do all of my Christmas shopping. I'm such a retard!!

Work was boring today. So boring that I won't even attempt a call of the day. After work, I stuck around and helped the training department decorate for Christmas. We had a great time and the area looks awesome! They will for sure win the competition.

Like I said, no call of the day. Instead I will tell everyone their horoscope, no matter what sign you are. Ready?

You will narrowly avoid a collision on the sidewalk this week, as a small giggling person runs past you being hotly pursued by a weeping incoherent person waving a ham sandwich. Aside from that, a pretty typical week.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address.

In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the E-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother's cry, the widow's 18-year-old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on with a message. It reads:

Dear love,

Just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you.

Love,
Me

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Rap is to music what paint-by-numbers is to art.

2004-12-16T22:44:00.000-05:00

Top o' tha mornin' to ya (That was my written attempt at an Irish accent). It was another successful day of food gathering at work. Congratulations again everyone who's contributed!

That's hot!

So... Today Shelley, Nicole and myself went to the market. We were walking around and taking a look at all the goods from cheese to flowers. As we were walking around, a lady yelled to us, "You guys wanna smell my candles?" "Umm, no thank you."

That's hot!

CALL OF THE DAY!!

This call goes out to anyone who's ever had to deal with a st-st-st-stutterer.

Me: Can I get your policy number?
Caller: Sure. I-i-i-it's fi-fi-fi-five o-o-o-one si-si-si-s-six sev-sev-sev-seven.
Me: So that's 51677?
Caller: N-n-no. Fi-fi-fi-fi-five's.
long pause...
Me: Uh... okay... uh... I'll just try searching by you name.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

There was this elderly gentleman who had serious hearing problems for years. He went to the doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear 100%.
The old bloke went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

That's all for today. As a last minute note, I want to discuss "Vertigo" by U2. Can someone please tell me what he says at the beginning when he's counting? Thanks.

Jesus saves! Passes to Moses; he shoots, he scores!!!!!

2004-12-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

Good evening everyone. Hope you all had a good day. I know I did. It was an excellent hump day. Work was actually quite fun to be there.

This is kind of off topic, but have any of you every had an allergy test done? I've never had one done and it's never been explained to me but I found out today from Nicole who had one done and man does it sounds sick. The doctor put different serums for each allergy on your forearm and then pricks each one so that the serum "penetrates". Then you sit the without touching your arm and get all itchy. How fun does that sound? I feel for you Nicole and I'll take care of Oakley in a flash.

CALL OF THE DAY!!

It's not extremely long or anything but someone called Nat and asked her what the difference is between psychologist and physiotherapist.

Hmmm... let me think...

JOKE OF THE DAY!!

A sarcastic teacher asked his class, "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" After a long silence, one of the students rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Guten nacht!

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

2004-12-14T20:50:00.000-05:00

TUESDAY!!!!!!!!! That means that it's almost hump day which is Wednesday which is the middle of the week which means it's almost the weekend which means it's almost next week which means it's almost CHRISTMAS!!!! YEAH!!!

So, at work they are allowing us to dress down for each day from now to Christmas as long as you bring in one new child's toy or three cans of non-perishable food. We have gathered so much stuff in two days it's unbelievable. I doubt anyone from work other that a select few will read this but I think it's really great that everyone is coming together to help out the less fortunate. Rock on everyone!!!!

Okay. CALL OF THE DAY! This one is courtesy of Gilles.

Gilles: I just need to ask you a few validation questions to verify the policy.
Caller: Sure.
Gilles: Is your coverage single of family?
Caller: What's the difference?

Can anyone find what's wrong with what the caller asked? Sorry. I promise a really good call for tomorrow. Even if I have to make them irate, it will be worth it.

JOKE OF THE DAY!

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm.

Lastly, I have decided that Andrew get's all his good looks from Graham. Here are some examples...

http://www.wingfamily.ca/lisagraham/20041203/photos/photo_5.html
http://www.wingfamily.ca/lisagraham/20041203/photos/photo_77.html
http://www.wingfamily.ca/lisagraham/20041203/photos/photo_17.html

Hee hee! A bientôt.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

2004-12-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

Another day has passed and I'm amazed more and more each day at the amount of people that just say the weirdest things. When I started this blog, I wanted to share with you some fun stories that happen to me but I didn't mean for it to be an outlet for me to vent. I sincerley hope that this is not what it seems to be.

Today there was someone who called in and, after I did my intro, asked for me to transfer her to the number that sells the Christmas baskets. I work for an insurance company. WRONG NUMBER!

And another time I had someone call in and demand to speak to Kelly... Sure. I know Kelly. Of course there's only one Kelly in the entire country so I know exactly where she's located. This person wouldn't take no for an answer and got angry at me and hung up on me after telling me I didn't know how to do my job. CRAZY!

Okay, breathe Andrea! Today's joke:

A lady is walking down the street to work and she see's a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her,"Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her,"Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day she saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said,"That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her,"Hey lady." She paused and said,"Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!

2004-12-12T19:43:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,

I just got back from my weekend to Toronto. I had a great time. We were there for most of Saturday and all of Sunday. On Saturday we did the Eaton's Centre. Remind me never to go back there around Christmas. Either that, or rent a baby and a stroller because those people seem to get through the crowds with no problem! Saturday night we met up with Alisa and Jason and had dinner at the Purple Pig. They have wicked good food. Then today we went shopping again and I got a ton of stuff. We then had a late lunch again with Alisa and Jason (The Greatest Canadian). It was an excellent weekend and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I was trying to think of a good joke I could do for when I got back because I left you hanging for so long and I think I've got a good one.

A burglar was in a dark house. When he picked up the T.V. a voice said"Jesus is watching you." He dropped the T.V. and whirled around his flashlight looking for someone without any luck. After picking up the VCR the voice said once again "Jesus is watching you." He dropped the VCR and demanded "Who said that?" A voice in the back of the room said "Me, Clarence!" He spotted a parrot with the flashlight and said "Did you say that?" Clarence acknowledged. The burglar then asked "Who would name a parrot Clarence?" To which Clarence replied "The same guy who named the rottweiller Jesus!".

Cheerio!

At first Jack was worried braces would affect his social life... Then he remembered he had no social life.

2004-12-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

It's Horoscope time!!!

This week you will turn over a new leaf. Good for you! We were all getting a little tired of you, you know, as you were.

It's me again, Andrea. That weird one who made this blog to say the dumbest things everyday just to entertain you people. Hopefully it's working.

TWO CALLS OF THE DAY!!!

1)
Caller: Hi, um, I'm calling to see if my husband is um covered for those um things, ya know, that go in your um shoe, ya know, for the uh ya know like in-step?
Me: Do you mean orthotics?
Caller: I don't know. Is that even a word?

2) As a bit of background info... When something is expensive we need them to send in an estimate. We need some details about the equipment on a letter from a doctor. So someone wanted coverage on a CPAP machine (used for sleep apnea). I was listing the details we need on the letter and came to this point.

Me: We also need to know the length of time the equipment is required.
Caller: Do you mean the length of time that I'm going to use the machine or the length of time that the machine will be for me?

If there is one piece of advice I could spread to the whole world, it would be to think things out in your head before speaking.

JOKE OF THE DAY!!!

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be okay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE!

Sweet dreams!

Children are a blessing... You never know when you'll need blood or a spare kidney.

2004-12-09T21:53:00.000-05:00

Good evening everyone. It's almost the weekend. Work today was good. Wasn't busy at all. Gotta love getting paid that much to sit and talk to your friends all day.

Best call I would have to say is the following:

A lady called in and her name was Stanka.

It's not a very long story, but definitely funny. What would you do if that was your name? And if it is, terribly sorry!

Joke of the day:

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress!!!

Housework is a snap since I realized... "Hey! I'm a guy!!!"

2004-12-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

Hello again all you wonderful people out there. Hope everyone had a good day. I did! Easy day at work. It's kinda sucky now, though. Seems like ever since I started this blog there is no good calls coming in to work. So I decided to tell you about one I had a while back.

A very oriental man called in to know if he had coverage for massage therapy. I asked him for his contract number in order to find his policy. Now, most normal Canadians would pronounce contract with the emphasis on the "con", right? Apparently not for this fella.

After questioning him for a good five minutes to get his CONtract number he came right out and said, "I don't have a CONtract number. I only have a conTRACT number." I had to mute my headset to share this story immediately with all my co-workers.

To continue with my retarded tradition, I'll tell you guys another extremely lame joke.

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

GET IT? HA!

Lastly, this is a link Brie wanted me to let everyone in on. Enjoy! http://www.wishville.co.uk/gorey/index.htm

"Latte" is French for "You paid too much for that coffee."

2004-12-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

So, another boring day today. The calls today were very uneventful. The best part of the work day was the quesadillas that were made for me from Natalie at work. What a gal!!! If you read this Nat, "Do you thinka I think a you when I'ma making ma lunch?" That was my attempt at an Italian accent. I went to Nicole's house after work. That was a grand ol' time. Now I'm home talking to the unfriendly giant on MSN. What a jerk!!!!

Sorry for the boring post today but, like I say, the work day was boring.

For kicks I'll tell you guys a joke.

Did you hear the invisible man married the invisible woman? Their children weren't much to look at either.

Hahaha! Lame.

Freddy Kruger?!?

2004-12-06T22:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I had the funniest call at work today. Someone called in and their name was "W Kruger". As part of my job in a call centre I have to say the person's name twice. So when I asked him for his first name he said:

"My name's Walter Kruger, not Freddy Kruger but Walter Kruger and it's not nightmare on Elm Street cause I live on Trench Street so I'm not Freddy Kruger."

This was followed by a laugh similar to that of the scientist on The Simpsons. Now to validate his call I had to ask for his mailing address. His response was:

"It's 19 Trench Street not ditch street but Trench Street. I don't live in a ditch I live on Trench."

Again followed by another Prof. Frink laugh. It's was great.

This is for Graham. He said he wanted the list of all the book titles so here you go. Have a good night!!!

CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To H***
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's It! I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, but You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... and Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man on the Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild animals of North Amer-Hey, Let's Go Ride Our Bikes
30. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers

Sandals + Winter = Really cold feet

2004-12-05T21:30:00.000-05:00

So, it's officially time to go shopping for new church shoes. Flip-flops just won't cut it anymore. Today I spent the whole day in them from the time I got out of the shower to now, when I'm posting and going to bed. Long day. Very emotional. But, all in all, a very good day. Church was good. First Presidency's broadcast was good. The whole day was wicked.

I think I'll end today's post with something I got in an email at work. The title of the email was "Children's Story Books That Didn't Quite Make It". Now before I tell you my two favourite ones you have to keep in mind that it's a joke and they weren't actually going to give books these titles.

My two favourite ones are:

"Pop goes the hampster! And other fun microwave games!"
"The A.D.D. Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey, let's go ride our bikes!!!"

Cheers!

Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?

2004-12-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

Well, another Saturday has come and gone. It's been a big day for me, computer wise. I learned how to blog and installed a new USB 2.0 card on my own. Plus I got more memory so it's running great now.

Julie and I were at Graham and Lisa's this evening and we watched Elf. My goodness. That's a funny movie. Will Ferrell is so funny. I highly recommend seeing it.

Highlight's included:
"SANTA!!!!!!!!!"
"Us elves like to stick to the four main food groups. Candy. Candy canes. Candy corn. And syrup"
"It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me... "
"Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS! "

Have a good night!!

There's A First Time For Everything

2004-12-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hello all and welcome to my very first blog. I almost got everything set up on my own but I had my brother Graham come and do some tweaking. I'm all set up and ready to wow you with stories of the life of a call centre worker. It will astonish you by all means. So I hope you enjoy everything.

Also, if you would like to comment, click on the # comments link. At the bottom it should say "Post a Comment". Please put your name so I know who's leaving it. Thanks.