Friday, December 10, 2004

At first Jack was worried braces would affect his social life... Then he remembered he had no social life.

It's Horoscope time!!!

This week you will turn over a new leaf. Good for you! We were all getting a little tired of you, you know, as you were.

It's me again, Andrea. That weird one who made this blog to say the dumbest things everyday just to entertain you people. Hopefully it's working.


Caller: Hi, um, I'm calling to see if my husband is um covered for those um things, ya know, that go in your um shoe, ya know, for the uh ya know like in-step?
Me: Do you mean orthotics?
Caller: I don't know. Is that even a word?

2) As a bit of background info... When something is expensive we need them to send in an estimate. We need some details about the equipment on a letter from a doctor. So someone wanted coverage on a CPAP machine (used for sleep apnea). I was listing the details we need on the letter and came to this point.

Me: We also need to know the length of time the equipment is required.
Caller: Do you mean the length of time that I'm going to use the machine or the length of time that the machine will be for me?

If there is one piece of advice I could spread to the whole world, it would be to think things out in your head before speaking.


A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be okay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE!

Sweet dreams!

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Children are a blessing... You never know when you'll need blood or a spare kidney.

Good evening everyone. It's almost the weekend. Work today was good. Wasn't busy at all. Gotta love getting paid that much to sit and talk to your friends all day.

Best call I would have to say is the following:

A lady called in and her name was Stanka.

It's not a very long story, but definitely funny. What would you do if that was your name? And if it is, terribly sorry!

Joke of the day:

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress!!!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Housework is a snap since I realized... "Hey! I'm a guy!!!"

Hello again all you wonderful people out there. Hope everyone had a good day. I did! Easy day at work. It's kinda sucky now, though. Seems like ever since I started this blog there is no good calls coming in to work. So I decided to tell you about one I had a while back.

A very oriental man called in to know if he had coverage for massage therapy. I asked him for his contract number in order to find his policy. Now, most normal Canadians would pronounce contract with the emphasis on the "con", right? Apparently not for this fella.

After questioning him for a good five minutes to get his CONtract number he came right out and said, "I don't have a CONtract number. I only have a conTRACT number." I had to mute my headset to share this story immediately with all my co-workers.

To continue with my retarded tradition, I'll tell you guys another extremely lame joke.

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


Lastly, this is a link Brie wanted me to let everyone in on. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

"Latte" is French for "You paid too much for that coffee."

So, another boring day today. The calls today were very uneventful. The best part of the work day was the quesadillas that were made for me from Natalie at work. What a gal!!! If you read this Nat, "Do you thinka I think a you when I'ma making ma lunch?" That was my attempt at an Italian accent. I went to Nicole's house after work. That was a grand ol' time. Now I'm home talking to the unfriendly giant on MSN. What a jerk!!!!

Sorry for the boring post today but, like I say, the work day was boring.

For kicks I'll tell you guys a joke.

Did you hear the invisible man married the invisible woman? Their children weren't much to look at either.

Hahaha! Lame.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Freddy Kruger?!?

Well, I had the funniest call at work today. Someone called in and their name was "W Kruger". As part of my job in a call centre I have to say the person's name twice. So when I asked him for his first name he said:

"My name's Walter Kruger, not Freddy Kruger but Walter Kruger and it's not nightmare on Elm Street cause I live on Trench Street so I'm not Freddy Kruger."

This was followed by a laugh similar to that of the scientist on The Simpsons. Now to validate his call I had to ask for his mailing address. His response was:

"It's 19 Trench Street not ditch street but Trench Street. I don't live in a ditch I live on Trench."

Again followed by another Prof. Frink laugh. It's was great.

This is for Graham. He said he wanted the list of all the book titles so here you go. Have a good night!!!

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To H***
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's It! I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, but You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... and Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man on the Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
29. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild animals of North Amer-Hey, Let's Go Ride Our Bikes
30. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Sandals + Winter = Really cold feet

So, it's officially time to go shopping for new church shoes. Flip-flops just won't cut it anymore. Today I spent the whole day in them from the time I got out of the shower to now, when I'm posting and going to bed. Long day. Very emotional. But, all in all, a very good day. Church was good. First Presidency's broadcast was good. The whole day was wicked.

I think I'll end today's post with something I got in an email at work. The title of the email was "Children's Story Books That Didn't Quite Make It". Now before I tell you my two favourite ones you have to keep in mind that it's a joke and they weren't actually going to give books these titles.

My two favourite ones are:

"Pop goes the hampster! And other fun microwave games!"
"The A.D.D. Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey, let's go ride our bikes!!!"